Life, according to Jamie.

50 Things to do in at the movies.

1. Try to start a wave

2. Gasp every time there is a swear word.

3. Wear a huge Afro wig.

4. Every 15 minutes stand up and then sit back down.

5. Yell out to the screen “Don’t Do It!”

6. If there is a love scene, reach over in front of you and cover a random person’s eyes.

7. Stand in front of the screen motionless and face the audience the entire movie.

8. Scalp tickets outside the theater.

9. If a catchy song plays in the movie stand up and dance.

10. Bring in a video camera and record the movie.

11. Talk really loud on your cell phone.

12. Demand that somebody puts the volume up.

13. Sit at the back, raise your arms to the projector and make shadow puppets on the screen.

14. Bring a laser pen and shoot it at the screen.

15. Wear 3D glasses…no matter what the movie is.

16. Every time something crazy happens, turn to a random person and say, “did you see that?!”

17. Sit criss cross on the floor in the very front of the theater and look up at the screen.

18. Stand in the front corner facing the audience and do sign language translations.

19. Do the same thing stated above (#18) except translate the movie into Spanish for the audience.

20. As people enter the theater, make nametags for them.

21. After the movie go back to the ticket counter and demand a refund because the movie was terrible. Whether or not they give you a refund, buy another ticket for the same movie at a later showing.

22. Half way through the movie run down to the screen, touch it, and then run back to your seat
yelling, “I touched the screen! I touched the screen!”

23. Repeat the lines in the movie.

24. Accuse the person behind you of kicking your seat. Constantly demand that they stop even though they aren’t really kicking your seat.

25. Tape “reserved” signs on every single seat before the movie starts.

26. Get a large group of people and act out a wedding scene. (As if a couple were getting married in the theater) Make sure everyone is in costume, and that there is a bride, groom, priest, bridesmaids, best man, etc. Use the theater aisle as if it were a Church aisle and have a bride walk down to meet the groom standing at the front. Act out the entire scene as if they actually were getting married.

27. Sneak in chickens (find a way) then let them run around freely during the movie.

28. Laugh extremely loud at a line that wasn’t meant to be funny.

29. Wear a white sheet over yourself and cut holes for eyes (like a ghost) then creepily walk around with your arms out chanting “OOOoooOOOOO I am the ghost of the theater! ooooOOOOOooooOOOO!”

30. Ask the person who sells you the ticket to give you his/her autograph

31. Ask for a discount because you are single and entering alone

32. Wear sunglasses and a white cane and ask them how a blind person would be accommodated.

33. Bargain with the ticket price

34. Turn around to the person behind you and say, “Excuse me, can you please kick my seat? Thanks.” Once they start kicking your seat yell “HARDER! HARDER!”

35. Every so often, do an awkward moan.

36. Get the entire theater to sing happy birthday to a random person.

37. Every 10 minutes pretend something has impacted your life. Put your hand on your chest. Gasp, and as you nod your head look at the person next to you and say ”mmmmmmm!”

38. Stare at a random person next to you the entire time.

39. When buying your ticket, ask to pay half the price because you will be leaving half way through the movie.

40. Half way through the movie stand up and yell “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!?” and then run off.

41. Ask a random person next to you to explain the movie because you don’t get it.

42. Ask a random person to go buy you popcorn because you don’t want to miss the movie.

43. Before the movie starts get everyone to bow their heads as you lead them in prayer. Pray for the movie. While praying, extend your hands towards the screen.

44. Stand up in the middle of the movie and start a head count.

45. Run up and down the aisles making rocket ship noises

46. Eat the popcorn from a random person sitting next to you.

47. Yell out loud demanding that they pause the movie because you need to use the bathroom.

48. When something is really funny, don’t laugh, instead point at the screen and scream: “L-O-L L-O-L L-O-L!!!!”

49. Blow your nose into a tissue and then show the contents of the tissue to a random person sitting next to you saying, “Look what I did!”

50. As the credits roll and people start to leave yell, “No! Everyone! Don’t Go! There is Something After the Credits!” After the credits roll and there is nothing say “Just Kidding!” Then run out giggling.

I love Entourage…

“Fuck him! Like the great philosopher Tzun Tzu said, when you’re done fucking your enemies, fuck them some more!!” - Ari Gold

50 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

4. Whistle the first seven notes of It’s a Small World incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. Censored by your son.

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I’ve got new socks on!

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You’re one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say mmmm…tasty!

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say Ding! at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it’s getting larger.

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

I’m so doing number 3!